


The Wet Dream Chronicles: Oh Mr Rabbit!

by Romanceisdead69



Series: The Wet Dream Chronicles [5]
Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Alice in Wonderland, M/M, Who even knows, cross dressing, weirdest thing I've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 15:05:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5095112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romanceisdead69/pseuds/Romanceisdead69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The everyday perversions of Tokyo's own Asami Ryuichi, Takaba Akihito and gang. Follow these gorgeous little horn dogs as they delve into the deep and dirty recesses of their own minds to uncover a world of betrayal, espionage and danger that lurks around every corner. Though mostly just lots of stereotypes and crap I don't get to write about normally…</p><p>In this instalment, we are taken down the Rabbit hole and into Sionland (just go with it) where we are taken on a journey through the strange and bizarre of the ViewFinder world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wet Dream Chronicles: Oh Mr Rabbit!

**Author's Note:**

> Goodness knows what the hell this is. I started to write it probably a year ago, abandoned it, and came back to it. I probably should have deleted it but meh, I dunno anymore! 
> 
> This is purely (crack?) based on how much I adore it when Kirishima gets mad at Akihito - I think that Kirishima sees Akihito like such a naive kid sometimes! 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, it's just a bit of silliness. 
> 
> Warnings: mild language use, mild sexual content (Boo)

♛ ♕ ♚ ♔ ♜ ♖ ♝ ♗ ♞ ♘ ♟ ♙ ♕ ♛

 

 

“Oh no, I’m late!”

The flustered, bespectacled secretary hops on down the path, rushing, always rushing but still never quite on time, never quite fast enough.

“I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!” He cries, his long white ears twitching irritably as he scurries forward, the rabbit hole finally in sight as he checks his huge golden pocket watch once, twice more.

“I’m late, I’m late! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!”

With his little furry legs moving as fast as they might he places his pocket watch hastily back into his waistcoat pocket, the small distraction all it takes for him to collide headlong into something soft and bouncy, something big. The something that’s blocking the entrance to the rabbit hole. He adjusts the small glasses perched on his little pink nose and steps back politely.

“Oh, pardon me! But I’m late you see! -“

“Ooh!” The blockage wails, the frilly white lace clad bottom wiggling in his face as the figure crawls out backwards from the rabbit hole, turning to look at the panicky white Rabbit. All rosy cheeked and dohey eyed. “Ooh!” The figure says again. “A Rabbit!”

Kirishima taps his little white foot on the dirt worn track in irritation, his pocket watch getting whipped out only to have him shrieking once more. “Oh no - I’m late! For a very important date!” He cries as he surges forward, almost succeeding in passing the figure before he’s stubbornly tugged back. The girl in the blue dress stubbornly pulling at his poofy white tail and cocking her head in curiosity. Pointing into the mysterious dark hole.

“Oh Mr Rabbit,” the young lady says, with a suspiciously unladylike voice, “what’s down that Rabbit hole?”

“Oh no! No, no, no, no-!” The Rabbit shouts and struggles. “Nothing for young ladies!” He cries and hops forward hopelessly, his tail stretching and straining until he finally breaks away with a pop, escaping from those fair fingers. A large clump of white fur though staying behind with the hazel eyed girl.

“I’m a boy!”

The figure shouts angrily, throwing the fur down in a huff and crossing his arms with a scowl, sitting with legs sprawled beneath him on the grassy ground. He stares defiantly at the grumpy old Rabbit, watching him as he disappears down the hole. Hurumph! It’s not Akihito’s fault he’s in a dress!

The boy sticks out his tongue with a satisfied nod as he turns away from the smelly old Rabbit hole with a huff. “Pah!” He laughs out. “What could a Rabbit possibly be late for anyway? And like I even care!” He exclaims, turning his chin up dismissively until the Rabbit is completely out of sight.

“Stupid old Rabbit, stupid Rabbit hole…”

But with that, and the old Rabbit out of sight the boy can’t help but look back longingly into that deep, dark hole and wonder just what it would hold in store. Would there be life threatening danger? Excitement? Adventure?

Why, they’re all of Akihito’s favourite things!

So with that Akihito makes up his mind to crawl on down the hole anyway and seek out this new adventure for himself, but - behold! The little White Rabbit is already far too far away, already gone and out of sight so Akihito shrugs and sighs and goes it alone, Kirishima having immediately forgotten about that bizarre blond haired, frilly dress wearing boy when he left him to rush off to the castle - 

The wrath of the King of Hearts the only thing on his mind now.

“Oi! Mr Rabbit!…”

The young man calls in vain as he ventures further and further into the tempting, dark unknown, it calling Akihito forward so temptingly into to his next great adventure. So he crawls even further into the tree, the thick spider webs, hanging roots, mud and leaf litter all falling away until - 

_Wait._

Is that what’s falling, or is it _him_ that’s falling?!

That question seems to be answered for him soon enough though, time and space itself seeming to halt completely as Akihito travels down and down further into the Rabbit hole, and seemingly into the bowls of the Earth itself.

Wow!

 

There are objects, items, hundreds of various camera’s and grainy photo’s of all shapes and sizes, old and new flying up past him as he floats down with his pretty white and blue dress fluttering in the breeze. The stark flashes of light from the camera’s bulbs’ dazzle him and daze him before he lands in a poof of dusty flash powder in a dark, endlessly baron space save one thing.

A small door.

“Hurumph!”

The door knob grumbles, Akihito’s attention caught by the grumpy Gorilla like face, the keyhole in place of a mouth and the small bow like carving below.

The boy crouches down eagerly and pokes his curious finger right into an eye, the door exploding in a series of loud curses.

“Hey you, did a Rabbit pass through here?”

“Ouch, _little Shit_ ,” the door says, his left eye already swelling and glowing red from the blow, “let me see your membership card, kozou. No ones’ getting in without one of those.”

“Eh? Membership?”

Akihito mumbles while he pats down his dress, hoping to find something to fool the stingy, stupid old door with - what’s with these geezers anyway? He heaves out a disappointed sigh though when he comes up empty and casts his eyes around into the gloom instead, where suddenly, two scrunched up brown paper bags and a low table seemingly appear out of thin-air nearby. A man loitering near, hands in his hoodie pockets and regarding the younger, dress wearing man with a smirk.

“Yo kid! You want somethin’ to get you into Sionland? I got some real good stuff, just name it and it’s yours, for a price…”

“Ooh? But, I only have eleven yen…” Akihito says and cocks his head from side to side, debating whether his current plan of using sheer brute force to barge his way through the stupid, stingy door is the best one after all, but - seeing just how tiny this door really is! Why it’s positively puny! So no, the boy crosses his arms, blowing a noisy raspberry towards the grumpy old door instead before he makes a point of marching over to the man and snatching up one of the mystery bags, just to see just what’s inside.

“Dude, what can I get for eleven yen?” Akihito tries, bargaining with small change is his speciality after all after a lifetime of living practically on the breadline.

“Tell you what,” the man replies with a great big grin, a grin a bit too big and a bit too suspicious for the boy’s liking “I’ll give you one for free, just between you and me though, right?”

“Oh! Curiouser and curiouser, thanks man!” Akihito exclaims, looking gleefully at the many colourful little squares innocently laying in the crumpled up bag, he wonders if they’re chocolate, marshmallows? Either way they look yummy so he decides to take one out of the bag, and pop it clean into his cute little mouth. Itadakimasu!

“Ooh, it tastes like -“

_Whoa!_

He suddenly shrinks by a whole foot, the bag still clutched in his hand.

“Cherry tart-!”

He shrinks some more, quickly racing towards the ground!

“Custard, Pineapple-!”

Almost thumb sized now, the bag threatens to squash little Akihito.

“Roast Turke-woah!”

The little dress wearing boy disappears under the creased brown bag and the smirking man laughs as he towers above him. He plucks up the bag from the ground with a grin and Akihito’s little legs kick and flail from beneath, the boy clinging to it for fear of falling.

“Oh, what did I do?!” He squeaks in a little voice, the man setting Akihito down on the floor and nudging him toward the door with a chuckle. “But now, you’re just the right height, right?”

“Oh I am,” he announces proudly, “I’m just the right size!”

And so, regardless of the old door’s grumbles and threats Akihito surges forward, forcing his way into the doors mouth, through the keyhole making the poor door choke and splutter but finally he is through! Akihito is free to finally catch that silly old white Rabbit!

He tumbles out of the keyhole, falling for what seems like forever until he’s caught by something soft. Green.

The boy looks around him to the thick wall of grass, towering above the tiny Takaba Akihito as he stands in his little blue dress just a few inches tall. He starts battling his way through the dense jungle, something up ahead catching his eye, tickling his nose. Smoke and a sweet smell.

 

“ ~ ...éi, yî, åi, ó, yī wú, éi ~ yî, åi, ó, yī wú, éi ~ yî, åi, ó, yī wú, éi ~ yî, åi, ó, yī wú, … ~ ”

 

The Caterpillar sings from where he lay leisurely on high, on a large toadstool and smoking from a bejewelled opium pipe, the smoke puffing out from the Caterpillars lips as he absently sings his song.

 

“  ~ ….éi, yî, åi, ó, yī wú, éi ~ yî, åi, ó, yī wú, éi ~ yî, åi, ó, yī wú, éi ~ yî, åi, ó, yī wú - hm?”

 

He says suddenly, turning his head in a surprised double take to observe this little dress wearing newcomer.

“Oh? Who. Are. You?”

The Caterpillar questions with rings of smoke puffing out of his mouth, an eager curiosity in his eyes as he takes in the girls appearance. The short, choppy hair, pink lips and bright hazel eyes. He questions again. “Who. Are. You?”

“Who am I? Well I dunno - who are you, Mr rude Caterpillar?” Akihito asks, pouting and waving the wafting smoke pointedly out of his face, the funny smell making his button nose twitch in irritation. The Caterpillar absently twiddles little fingers from one of his many hands in his long hair, sucking again on his golden opium pipe before blowing even more smoke, he crawls toward Akihito on the large toadstool where he lay.

“Are you, by chance, the Queen of Hearts?”

He languidly questions, dragging on his pipe and blowing smoke right into Akihito’s face without care.

“Who? Queen of what?” The miniature young lady asks, squinting through the sickly haze of smoke up at the nosy Caterpillar. He swears, if he blows his smoke in Akihito’s face again-!

“Girl, do you know, the King of Hearts?…” He asks now and goodness! Blows yet more rings of smoke around the poor boy and they encircle his neck, wrists and legs like shackles.

“What is he, to you?”

The Caterpillar questions on and on making Akihito mad and he huffs and puffs and blows each of the rings away. Stamping his foot and turning up his chin with a big ‘hurumph!’ When the Caterpillar questions him yet again.

“Who. Are. You?” He insists and Akihito sighs, bored of wasting time with this King obsessed Caterpillar.

“Look Mr! I don’t know any King of Hearts, Queen of Hearts - whatever! Isn’t it you who knows him? You won’t stop banging on about him!”

The Caterpillar narrows his eyes, taking a particularly long drag on the pipe as he crosses his many pairs of little arms and legs. A little embarrassed. Ok, so _maybe_ he questions _everyone_ that comes through this garden whether they know the King of Hearts or not - but, they would too if they carried the grudge that he does, the grudge that had started seven long Sionland years ago, where he, the great _Mr Liu_ the Caterpillar was almost stepped on, completely _squashed_ by a _big foot!_ \- A kingly looking shoe which he knows _must_ have belonged to the King of Hearts, for who else would have such _large feet?!_

“You girl,” he says, mocking the small lass, “should keep. Your. Temper-”

“But I’m a boy!”

Akihito insists, wondering why it’s just not obvious to everyone - what’s wrong with these people?!

He stamps his feet and turns to leave in pursuit of the white Rabbit, giving up on this fool but suddenly - feels a small breeze under his blue dress, making him shriek, oh no! His apron, skirt, petticoat and all - are getting lifted up by the Caterpillar’s opium pipe!

“You? Who. Are. You?”

The Caterpillar asks again, more insistent this time. Lifting Akihito’s skirt higher and higher until oh dear, his stockings and little frilly white knickers are completely on show, a small shriek The only sound from under the dress as the boy stands helpless with his little peach bottom, his cock and balls practically on show, pressing against the sheer, flimsy fabric.

“You see? I’m a boy!” He cries again, though this time a little muffled by the dress covering his face.

He yanks down his skirt with a flourish and glare reserved just for this _silly little bug_ , finally his temper rising when _yet another smelly ring of smoke hits him square in the face!_

_That. Is. It!_

“Look you!” He squeals, hight pitched and indignant, “I want you to tell me how to get taller - right now! I’m going to _squash you, you bastard!”_

“What!” He screams, “squash me. _Me?!_ ”

The Caterpillar yells right back, looking a little mad as he huffs and puffs and grows redder and redder with every breath.

The smoke soon envelopes him like a foggy shroud, causing Akihito to cover his eyes at the sight but then suddenly, and with a ‘poof!’ The Caterpillar is gone.

Eventually, the boy in the blue and white dress dares to peek out from his fingers at the amazing sight, gasping as he sees the colourful cheongsam and many tiny pairs of silken shoes left behind.

With a grimace he goes to poke and prod at the abandoned remains, wondering if the guy really did just self combust from anger when 'oh!' A voice calls out to him from above, why it’s the Caterpillar! Now a beautiful Butterfly!

“OK boy, I’ll give you a hint. I’m feeling generous because now I can go and get revenge for that man nearly stepping on me.” He says mischievously. “One side makes you taller, the other, smaller!”

….Um.

"OK?…” Akihito says, looking around to all in sight, his index finger resting to a plump lip as he ponders hard. His fair eyelashes fluttering in confusion.

“Hmm, half of what though. Why, whatever could it be?”

“For goodness sake, the toadstool of course!” The Caterpillar shouts at the silly dress wearing boy and flies away, leaving the Akihito to wave gleefully after him with an ‘Oh, gee thanks Mr Butterfly!’  

Finally, Akihito looks happily to the toadstool and stretches toward the spotted head to reach it with his tongue, hoping this side is the taller rather than the smaller one.

He closes his hazel eyes and laps at the mushroom head, humming to himself as he licks and licks until he finally feels himself start to grow.

“Oh my!” He shouts, marvelling at how he’s back to normal size once more, and he skips along merrily toward the road in his little dress to catch this elusive white Rabbit. He’s sure he must’ve gone this way.

He ignores the several signs dug in along the road all saying several different boring things, like 'beware, danger!' Or 'The King of Hearts is as merciful as he is ugly,' and 'Turn back now if you value your life!' Akihito doesn't see what all the fuss is about so far, about this 'Sionland.' For this place is actually turning out to be a bit of a bore...

He enters the lush and dense green wood, past another sign that reads 'Dracaena forest: DANGER' and skips on along the path wondering where in the world the silly Rabbit could be when all of a sudden a couple of peculiar little figures appear up ahead, blocking his way.

“Oh my!” The boy says again, coming to a halt on the path. “What peculiar little figures.”

He goes over, hoping to poke one of the little suit clad men on the arm causing them to react but - instead, they mirror each others scandalised cries and looks of outrage as the dirty commoner dares to try and touch them, shaking their flawless blond heads of hair in unison. They both pout their shapely pink lips.

“I know we’re as sculptured and flawless as wax, but if you touch, you’ll have to pay - and we can bet, it’s more than you can ever afford!”

They nod together as one and huff, noting this tacky girl’s dress. It’s no wonder she has no manners!

“Aren’t you even going to greet us properly? You’re supposed to say how’d you do, and bow. Right Sudou?”

“Right you are Shuu.” They gleefully say and laugh with a happy high-five. The two just love pointing out other people’s shortcomings, because they don’t have any. Why even the mirroring beauty marks on each of their chins are just perfection, their manners too. But this girl, in her slutty blue dress and with her sloppy Kansai-ben speak, somehow doesn’t understand it!

“Ha,” he laughs, “well listen Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber, I’ll do what I like thanks. I’m just following the white Rabbit, so please move.”

And he pokes out his tongue not sorry at all, eager to keep skipping on down the road to catch that elusive little Rabbit. But, “the white Rabbit?” They question again, cogs turning in those pretty heads. Why the white Rabbit is on his way to the castle!

They grin evilly at each other, marvelling in glee, they live to impress, seduce and entrap, to dispose of competition just like this little cutie. Anyone who could possibly ruin their chances with the King of Hearts. And they can bet, this girl is just the King of Hearts type!

They converge on the poor girl ready to strike, though stopping when she nimbly side steps them completely to carry on down the road with a carefree whistle.

“But girl, wait! We want to tell you a story, right Shuu?” He turns to the other, looking for support. How can they stall her enough to stop her from getting to the Castle?!

Oh, but it's OK - with Sudou and Shuu being so beautifully in sync, they are never lost for ideas for long. So - 

“Right you are Sudou, it’s great! It’s about the Politician and the Prostitute! Right Shuu? People _love_ that story!”

They nod, this is it, hook line and sinker. “Right you are Sudou. Once upon a time -!“

But their efforts are wasted on this certain boy, as Akihito continues to skip ignorantly on down the road with a distant “Ok guys, it was fun but I gotta Rabbit to catch so, later -!“

_What?_

They stare after the girl and purse their lips at the utterly unsightly skipping, the movement just too undignifying to bear. They wish their little legs could keep up with her, they wish so much that they can grab her - to finish her off, but they aren't, and they can't. 

So they settle instead for a scowl, and a pout, and a stomp of their feet.

“Oh drat Sudou, can you believe, how rude -!”

“Oh Shuu I know, girls these days! -“

“I’M. A. BOY!”

 

♛ ♕ ♚ ♔ ♜ ♖ ♝ ♗ ♞ ♘ ♟ ♙ ♕ ♛

 

And so, Akihito gleefully skips on down the road in amongst the trees, the flowers, the birds all singing happily around him, his dress fluttering in the breeze. He’s skipping fast when he see’s yet _another_ surprising sight, well isn’t this place just full of strange little curiosities. Why it’s a grin, some teeth! - Floating in mid air. Gross.

The strange shadow sings to himself, gradually gaining shape out of nowhere until ‘oh my!’ It appears and oh, seems to look like a Cat. A pink and purple, garishly striped, fat, Cat. With a black goatee and hair atop his head.

Weird.

“Mmm,” the Cat says from atop the branch where he lay, eyeing the girl like he’ll eat her whole at any moment, “girl, well, aren’t you just the cutest thing to ever come through here… ”

Akihito stares up at the greasy old Cat where he sits in the huge tree, in amongst the branches and not really listening to what was said, for why oh why is everyone delaying him from reaching this blimmin’ white Rabbit! He clicks his tongue and turns up his nose, intending to just skip away again when suddenly, and with a cackle, the Cat leaps down from the branch, disappears and just as quickly - “oh!” Reappears at Akihito’s feet. Looking right up his dress.

“I see…” is all the Cat says, still not looking away from under Akihito’s skirt. He doesn’t move for some time.

“Well,” he says, “I still think you’re the cutest thing to have come through here….” And he smiles up at the dress wearing boy, all teeth showing thanks to his wide, wide grin. If only he could keep the sexy boy here for a moment longer, ah-! That’s it!

He’ll bamboozle the kid with nonsense, frustrate him to the point of tears and then comfort him, in his own particularly special way….

“Hey - I have a riddle for you, you want to see the white Rabbit, right? Well, answer this and I’ll give you a really good short-cut. I promise.”

He says, his grin and glinting eye’s though betraying his words somewhat, along with his tapping little paw. The long claws making small indents in the dusty purple path as he taps them impatiently. What the Sakazaki Cat would really like to do is eat the boy whole, metaphorically of course….

OK maybe not. Maybe he might get carried away and just gobble him up completely.

He looks at the boy’s pondering face, deciding just to pounce, the riddle beats everyone that’s come through here and he knows this kid will be no exception. He looks simple enough. 

“OK! Here we go! The once were two Crickets on a string -“

“Hm?”

Akihito says, finally looking down at the fat old Cat.

“Oh, sorry. I wasn’t listening. Can’t we just skip this and you show me the shortcut? I’m kind of getting hungry…and really, really bored.” He says as his little tummy rumbles, well it has been a long day, and he has met quite a lot of weird people.

He sighs and rubs his belly as the Cat shakes his head, there’s no way he’s getting out of here unscathed.

“No. So, two Crickets on a string. One was d -“

“Oh…” Akihito whines, getting rather bored. “Look, Mr Cat - I’m going to blow air in your face if you don’t tell me about the shortcut. You’re annoying me.”

The Cat’s ears go back and Sakazaki pouts, he hates air being blown in his face! He only wanted to ravage this young man a little, OK a lot. And know it’s turned out like this.

The Cat sighs and stares until there’s no other choice, he reluctantly goes to the small leaver like branch and tugs on it with his little paw. He really does hate air being blown in his face after all. He wonders how this boy could have known his one true weakness.

“Ok kid, be on your way. And I’ll live to molest another day…”

And with that, some sort of drawbridge starts to open up in the tree, lowering down, down and down some more. It hits the ground with a dull ‘thunk’ and Akihito stares in awe as the most spectacular sight is revealed beyond. Why, it’s a grand castle, surrounded by the most green, green grass he’s ever seen and hedgerow’s as far as the eye can see.

“W-whoa!” Akihito cries, running forward into the grand grounds of the huge castle.

 

_“~ We’re cleaning up the blood, we’re scrubbing away the brains ~”_

 

The dohey eyed boy hears singing echo around the grounds of the grand old castle, his dress swaying for side to side as he looks from here to there, over and under, everywhere for the voices’ source. Eventually he comes to an opening in the maze, a small slither in which the slim and slender boy can fit easily on through, to set his bright hazel eyes on the most curious of sights! Why, it’s an army of Goons! All dressed identically in midnight black suits and armed with cloths, mops and buckets. cleaning up the grizzly scene of a crime. Singing merrily all the while.

 

_“ ~ We’re cleaning up the blood, we’re cleaning up the brains ~ Oh pardon me oh can’t you see we’re cleaning up the brains ~ We’re cleaning up the brrraaaaaiiiiinnnnssss ~ we’re, cleaning up the brains ~”_

 

And they carry on whistling and singing as they work, sweeping, mopping and wiping finger prints from the crime scene, careful not to leave even the smallest piece of evidence behind.

“Hey guys!” Akihito asks bemused. “What are you doing?”

A small gathering of Goons surround the young girl, thrusting a cloth and Gun into her hands before herding her along, the boss is due any second and they still have so much evidence to hide! They rush to and fro and here and there and hide all the evidence they might, singing merrily as they go.

“Oh can’t you see?” One Goon asks the doh eyed girl, “we’re getting rid of evidence before the boss comes, we’re nearly done but you never can be too careful. So we’re ~”

 

_“ ~ cleaning up the blood, we’re cleaning up the brains ~ Oh pardon me oh can’t you see we’re cleaning up the brains ~ We’re cleaning up the brrraaaaaiiiiinnnnssss ~ we’re, cleaning up the brains! ~”_

 

“OK, OK I get it,” the girl says rolling her eyes, geez these guys must worship the dude or something - and who even is this crook anyway? Seriously, if Akihito were anywhere with a camera he would so be getting some good dirt on these idiots right now but as it is - he isn’t, so, instead he shrugs his shoulders and bats his eyes and takes up his cloth to muck on in with the others, just as suddenly, horns blare in the background and a hole swarm of Goons appear!

“Oh no!”

“The boss!”

“The boss!” The crime scene cleaners cry, creating chaos and utter pandemonium as they run and rush and clamber around blindly to rid themselves of the last of the evidence, shoving it under the hedge rows, in amongst the trees and even in their pants in their haste to hide it as the rest of the Goons approach. Along with the boss, the King of Hearts!

The Goons surround the crime scene in neat and perfect rows, whistling their lips and stomping their feet until Akihito and the cleaners are enclosed completely, not knowing what to do they hit the floor in a dogeza style bow, ready to show their upmost respect and regret to the boss should they be discovered leaving Akihito to collapse in a heap alongside them, the cloth and gun held behind his back.

“Goon-halt!”

Their head of security shouts as the Bugle sounds again, the Army of Goons standing to attention in the classic pose as the King of hearts, the one and only is finally here! Coming now, and getting announced by - “Oh!” Akihito cries, “the white Rabbit!” He happily shouts, pointing the gun at the little waistcoat wearing Rabbit in a moment of excitement, but with a start, catching himself in the nick of time. He guiltily hides the smoking gun again behind his back, cloth forgotten as the Rabbit again opens his mouth to speak.

“Ehem,” the white Rabbit says, ignoring the loud young woman, “His Highness, the King of Hearts!”

And the horn blows again, dying down to utter silence and a sense of dread. A shiver runs through the men and their eyes grow wide, why, did they really find all of the evidence, that was theirs to hide? Oh no! They think, what about the smoking gun? But oh dear it’s too late, far too late to run.

“Hou? You men have been cleaning up my crime scene…” The King on Hearts questions. “But, what do we have here, some incriminating evidence? You want me to go to jail?”

He asks his men, the very same clean team as the ones currently cowering beneath him, shaking and quaking and saying their prayers. The crime scene isn’t clean, that much the Goons know - but as long as the boss doesn’t find out that the evidence against him is still very much incriminating, fingerprints and all. As long as that girl stays quiet they’re good, home free! Yeah. And as long as he, the King, doesn’t ask about -

“So, tell me. Where’s the smoking gun?”

 

Damn.

 

Ever so slowly one Goon raises his head, one little look at the King all that’s needed and he’s sweating buckets, eyes darting left, right, up, down, anywhere but at those golden orbs that he knows see right through him. Through all. He babbles and sobs and even wets his pants, stuttering and wailing and sobbing hoping to divert this trouble to someone, anyone else! - But wait, that girl! She’s the one! She’ll do fine. He gulps and grins and decides to give it a try.

“Oh b-boss, wait! My dear Asami-sama! It’s the girl, I swear, it was all her! She’s raving, she’s mad! She just wouldn’t quit! She took the smoking gun, she did it!”

“Oh?” The King of Hearts interestedly says with the smallest of smiles, this little ‘girl’ huh, with the blond hair, hazel eyes and all those ‘feminine’ wiles.

“And tell me, Generic Goon number eight,” he continues, “why should I believe you, she looks innocent enough….”

He paces before the cowering Goons, and a curious looking Akihito instilling fear in all but the girl. His eyes narrowing. “Or, are you telling me that you wanted her to take the gun…?”

Oh no! This isn’t the way it was supposed to be! So with a quick nudge and a wink and emboldened by their friend, the other goons join in all pointing to the girl with a sudden hit of devious inspiration.

“B-boss! If you don’t believe us, look behind her back!” “Yeah, yeah behind her back!”

They all shout, the white Rabbit and the Army of Goons all looking on silently as Asami, in his kingly robes comes to a stop in front of the young girl. The biggest smirk anyone has ever seen on his face.

“You, on your feet.” He demands, the girl, all dohey eyed and cherry lipped looking up to him in wonder. She gets to her feet hands clasped stubbornly behind her back, until a moment goes by, and she sighs a sweet sigh and reveals what she had been hiding.

“Oh my,” the King says, his smirk growing all the more, “what a naughty girl you are.”

The cleaning crew all nod and agree, the white Rabbit’s nose twitching as he takes in the scene. The Goons do nothing as Asami takes the gun away, disposing of it over his shoulder without a care. Looking down at the girl who looks unimpressed, doing nothing but stare.

“Why,” the smirking man says, “Whatever could be the matter young lady?” The smirk turns into an almighty grin, watching Akihito grow red, impatient and angry at him. The girl huffs and puffs and stamps her feet, her eyes promising murder, never defeat.

“For fucks sake, I’m a boy!”

He yells, right in the stupid mans face. Just because he’s handsome, he is not going to google over him or cower like the rest of these wimps!

“Hou?” The King once again says, not bothering to even feign surprise. His grin only grows, as does the desire in his eyes.

“I don’t believe you. You’ll have to prove it.”

He demands from the poor dress wearing boy, hoping he’ll see what he wants, his new favourite toy hidden beneath those petticoats.

“Fine!” The boy yells without a care, not disappointing the King of Hearts as he yanks up his pretty white and blue dress once more over his head. His ass, his cock and balls on show, he stands there in his frilly knickers and stockings waiting for what? What's he hoping to see?

“Had enough yet, asshole?” He demands of the King, as he yanks down his skirt and stares at him hard, finding the look in the mans eye a little unsettling.

“Oh no, dear Alice, I haven’t had enough -” the King says, rounding on his prey, signalling to the Goons to march on back to the castle, the white Rabbit too. Which makes Akihito pout, looking after him.

“Oh don’t worry, you’ll be seeing more of the White Rabbit after all, you’ll be staying here for ever. As my prisoner.”

“What!” Akihito cries, outraged and scared and he goes to break away, to run, when he’s caught around the waist. A hot pair of lips on his ear. Asami hard and wanting behind him and Akihito can’t help but gasp in innocent arousal.

“That’s right you heard me, as my prisoner.”

He flips the boy round, a hand disappearing up the white and blue dress, his sinful mouth moving to Akihito’s awaiting lips, about to claim them in a searing, soul stealing first kiss.

“My sentence for you? Is Death. From a lifetime of mind-blowing-sex -” 

" - Guh-!"

Kirishima wakes up with a horrified yelp at home in bed, feeling the cold sweat drenching his bed clothes, practically pouring off his head. Why oh why did he stop by at dinner at his sisters place with that present for the kids, the DVD that was on special from Don Quixote for just one hundred yen. Alice in wonderland.

Kirishima thinks kids shouldn’t be allowed to watch it at all if it fucks with your brain this much.

But, he supposes he has been under a lot of extra stress lately, what with all of this ‘Sheriff’ nonsense and Takaba accusing Asami-sama of having some sort of nervous breakdown after he had been kidnapped by those pesky North-Koreans. So he had been given the day off today in which he went to the Gym, Bookstore and yes his local Don Quixote store to pick up the DVD and some snacks.

Well, never again. He feels like he should be at work if this is what his brain does when idle. Anything but this.

 

He’s going to have that image of Takaba and Asami-sama burned onto his retinas for weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY!
> 
> Don Quixote: A kick ass store in Japan, we had a new one open where I lived and yes, everything was on special and Disney DVD's were just 100¥ on the first day! Everything got expensive again after that though ^^'


End file.
